Last week we started off by combining the four tribes into two. Raising the question, "Why the hell did you bother to have the 'four tribes' thing if it was just going to last for one episode?" The school yard pick-em game was first tried with Survivor: Palau and it helped create Ulong, the losingest tribe in Survivor history. Well history looks set to repeat itself as another game of pick-em created Casaya, who's members work as well together as a bunch of five year-olds with ADD hopped up on massive doses of sugar and caffeine. Casaya immediately started their losing streak by losing the reward challenge. In a moment of 'Koror losing their flint deja vu' La Mina managed to lose the spear gun they had just won at the reward challenge before even getting it wet. Back at camp, La Mina is working together like a well oiled machine and amazingly enough no one seems upset that Sally lost the fishing spear. Casaya is a different matter, alliances are formed and reformed like clouds in a blustery sky. Shane proves to everyone that he's unstable, first swearing loyalty to his alliance members then swearing at them as a warning not to break their alliance, then asking to be voted out, then begging to stay and finally arrogantly outing the members of his alliance. The results of the immunity challenge were as predicable as the Superbowl, La Mina is able to stick their Giant Zombie Head on their Giant Zombie Body while Casaya is still flailing away uselessly in the water. At tribal council Shane continues to demonstrate that sanity is not something he's burdened with but is saved when most of the tribe decides they are better off losing their more useless baggage before dumping their insane baggage and vote off Melinda. All this time Bruce has been the luckiest Casaya member. He's been alone on [cue: creepy music and reverb effect] Skull Island and so at no risk of being killed in his sleep but with Melinda being voted out his luck has run out and he heads back to camp with the rest of his tribe.
"Welcome to our camp Bruce". "This pile of dung is your camp? There were seven of you, you had three days to build and this pile of crap is all you could come up with? You're lucky I'll be here now and not exiled on [cue: creepy music and reverb effect] Skull Island".	"Are you good with fire? We haven't been able to build a fire since the merge". "You haven't had a fire since the merge?" "No, all the people that have any actual ability are part of La Mina".
"I met my new tribe and I could see that they all have good hearts but they don't have three functioning brains cells between the six of them".	"What the hell are you doing on Casaya? Shouldn't you be on La Mina?"
"Every time we go to do something that can get us killed Bruce steps in and explains how dangerous it is. I just want him to shut up and stop making me look like such a dumb-ass".	"Bruce came through with this filtering system for the water that we all just believed for some reason. He's only taught wilderness survival for thirty years so how much can he really know? My 'light the fire with our brains' thing didn't work so I don't see how this will work."
"The tribe reacted to me like I was a gift from heaven. Which considering their current state is a pretty accurate assessment"	"I was the last man picked, which just goes to show that racial profiling doesn't work!"
Giant Slugs! There are giant slugs there! This god forsaken place is straight out of an opium induced nightmare!	"We're so hungry we're eating snail soup, snails are the only thing we can catch". "It's not snail soup, it's escargot soup". "What's the difference?" "The idea of eating escargot soup doesn't make me want to throw up".
"Ugh!" "You don't like the escargot soup?" "No, the worm I ate on [cue: creepy music and reverb effect] Skull Island tasted better than that". "Hmmm, maybe we should try making some worm soup?"	"We're going slowly downhill. If we could just order a pizza or two we'd be OK".
"All we can seem to catch around camp are puffer fish and the producers won't let us eat them because they say they're poisonous. Oh well, we're just going to keep fishing exactly the same way we've been fishing and hope for the best".	"Alright Terry, way to go! That's great, it no shark but then again you're no Tom".
"Casaya, you guys look better". "That's because we have Bruce, without Bruce we're lost. Why's everyone on La Mina rubbing their hands and giggling with glee?"	"Four tribe members will stand on a balance beam over the water. The other tribe members will take turns shooting balls at them. You'll score 5 points if you hit someone in the body, 2 points for the legs or arms and ten points for a head-shot!"
"Want to know what you're playing for? WW1 army surplus camping equipment".	"Ooo, that stuff's antique. I wonder what I could get selling it on eBay?"
"Figure out which three of your tribe mates have the worst sense of balance and they're your launchers".	"Before we get started we take a moment to admire this week's gratuitous cleavage shot".
"Terry's ball falls right into Nick's lap!" "Hey Jeff, do you think you could reword that for me?"	My world stops making sense as Casaya goes ahead 4 to 3.
"La Mina wins reward and I win $100 because they didn't cover the spread!"	"Bruce, we're sending you back". "Those guys are playing like there's a million bucks on the line!"
"So when we got back to camp we decided to wait until it was dark before we spread the tarp over the shelter".	"Just after we got the tarp up it started to pour. Luckily we saw that the rain was going to run off the tarp and soak the pots and water cans so we quickly brought them under the tarp to keep them dry".
"But at least I don't have to worry about Shane going postal in the middle of the night".	"You know how I've had a stick up my ass this whole time? Well look at my new stick".
"I think the problems in our tribe are the result of us all being losers".	"Did I do anything wrong? I can't even say anything without Shane freaking out. It's like he's going through withdrawal or something!"
"Sally has really been working hard to get Austin and Nick to align with her because there seemed to be a bit of a boys club. It's a good plan and if I was any smarter I'd try the same thing".	"I think Misty is, such a slut".
"We need to flirt with the guys so they take us to the final four, we're sure not going to get there because of any hard work or athletic ability". "Do you think we should start having some wardrobe malfunctions?" "Couldn't hurt".	"And we'll bring in Bruce, once again returning from the Panama Hilton, I mean from [cue: creepy music and reverb effect] Skull Island".
"The matchups will vary from round to round, drop your gear and we'll get started. Sally, when I said drop your gear I didn't mean your cloths". "Oops, sorry Jeff".	"First round is four women, get ready for some hot girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl action".
"Alright this is so hot! Hey Jeff, any chance we can get some Jell-O in there?"	"Nick has the bag and he's free! All of Bruce's karate knowledge is ineffectual against Nick's football honed straight arm".
"Danielle with another wardrobe malfunction".	"Terry hands off to Ruth-Marie who would have won the whole thing except she drops the bag".
"La Mina, you lost to the most disfunctional tribe in Survivor history, tonight you're going to tribal council where you'll vote someone out of the game. We should make you vote at least two people out for losing to these clowns but the rules are the rules".	Now there are giant snakes! This place is horrible! You couldn't get me to go here for a million dollars! Wait, I take that back.
"Losing feels so much worse than winning". And with that, Sally wins this week's Well Duh! award for stating the blindingly obvious	"... it's Misty" "Even though Ruth-Marie lost the challenge for us?" "Hell yah, Misty didn't have one wardrobe malfunction in the entire game".
"I had to talk the guys into voting off Misty, she's smart as hell and I'm jeleous because she won't give me a back rub".	Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I just soiled my pants... I'll be back in a few minutes.	"I am your god! Bow down before me!" "Hi Jeff". "Damn".
"Terry, you've been out here for eight days. Compared to a four-star hotel, how much does this place suck?"	"This is just a last ditch hope beyond hope, that's all".
"Drat, no cookies left".