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| Welcome to the final episode of The Bachelor: Paris. After last
week's disappointing The Women Don't Dish Any Dirt episode this week's episode has
to shine in comparison, doesn't it? Traditionally in this episode the bachelor would
take the two sad pathetic women he has left to meet his family but we've decided
to change things up this year. In a lame attempt to give the show a 'fresh new feel'
we're using up some frequent-flyer miles and bringing Dr. Dull's family to Paris
where we will get to see them 'oo and ah' over the fancy French chateau and at the
same time save a few bucks by not having to hiring camera crews in the states. The
show would be actually be more interesting if he introduced his family to both women
at the same time but we don't want to risk doing anything that might generate ratings. [db: Since I've invested so much time in this season already I might as well slog my way through the final two hours. I've got my remote control ready to fast forward through the seemingly endless recaps, flashbacks and previews to bring you only the best (relatively speaking) bits so lean back in your seat, get comfy, (and if you really want to enjoy the show get drunk) and get ready to waste several minutes of your life. No you can't have them back at the end.] |
|
 It's always nice to see American excessiveness spilling over into other countries. |
 "It means a lot to me that my family agreed to come on an all-expenses paid trip to Europe and be part of my fifteen minutes of fame". |
 "Can you tell us about the girls?" "Not really, I haven't seen them in a couple of days and I'm not sure I remember who I picked". |
 "It's really important to my wife and I that Travis find a soul mate in life. He's been enjoying himself long enough, it's time for him to give up having fun and settle-down, get married and have kids". |
 "Mom, Dad. The producers feel that the you guys are too old and boring to be on the show the whole time so we young'ins are going to ditch you and go meet Sarah at an indoor kids-park". |
 "I came to Paris to help Travis decide which girl he likes because he's a boy and boys are stupid". |
 "This would be a lot more fun if more kids were here". |
 "When I first met Sarah I thought she was very nice, very sweet. I had to question what someone that down to earth was doing on a show like this". |
 "I like Sarah because she's pretty and she's nice and that mean man with the scary eyebrows said I've never see my family again if I didn't". |
 "She's nothing like I expected". "What were you expecting?" "Fame-whores". "I've still got one of those, you'll meet her tomorrow". |
 "Here's to being in France and drinking in the kid's play area". |
 "Get your hands off my husband!" |
 "Meeting Sarah is a fairly important situation if hell freezes over and they end up getting married". |
 "It's funny that you end up living half a mile away from each other". "Sounds like a setup deal to me". "I'm afraid my confidentiality agreement says I'm not allowed to comment on that". |
 "So my Dad asked me, 'what do the women get out of this? Do they get a million dollars or something?'" "There's no million dollars, if I marry Travis all I get is half of his future income". |
 "When I first met Travis I just had this feeling that I'd be here at the end. Of course the other 24 girls had the same feeling but Moana and me are the only ones that was right". |
 "Before we go back in there I want you to know that I really like Travis and I want to be with him forever and ever as long as this show shall last". |
 "I want you to know that comes from my heart and not just from the writers". |
 "How are you doing Trav?" "It's tough, I almost have an emotion when I'm with Sarah". |
 "We may never see her again". "We'll see her at the wrap-party". "Well yah, OK. After the wrap-party we may never see her again". "Then there's the reunion show..." "Shut up!" |
 "I was very honoured for Sarah to meet my family, and... you've got to be kidding me. Who writes this crap?" |
 "I'm excited for my family to meet Moana, even though she has a slightly different personality then Sarah. And by 'slightly different' I mean completely different in every conceivable way". |
 "I don't think there is any chance Moana can make a better impression, the question will be can she make an impression without spinning her head all the way around". |
 "Next up, we waste time giving away all the good bits of what what you're going to see after the commercial break". |
 "It was scary standing that close to the number one threat to my way of life, bears!" |
 "Laney is very shy". "Don't be afraid Laney, I don't eat little children during the day". |
 "Look Whitney, your favourite. Bacon!" |
 "We spent some time walking around the park with the kids until I was about to scream. Then Andrea and I dumped them with the guys and split off so we could have a private conversation, just me and her and the seventeen guys in the film crew". |
 "So, what is it you like about Travis?" "He's my ticket to staying on the show and getting enough face time to get work in the entertainment industry". |
 "We went to Orange County to meet my family". "Oh that's cool, did you stop by Orange County Choppers?" "No, that's a different show in a different state and on a different channel. |
 "What's up with the weird-assed French teeter-totter? What are those large round things behind the seats for? And what are the giant antennae for? Weird". |
 "After I introduced him to my family I had, umm. I guess you could call it a moment of clarity. I suddenly realised that my parents are whack jobs and should be under a doctor's care". |
 "I really like Moana, do you like her?" "Yah". "Do you think she's sweet?" "Yah". "Are you just going to answer 'yah' to everything I ask?" "Yah". |
 "What do you like about her?" "She's beautiful, she's a ton of fun, and she's not going to break down when I don't pick her because she's as emotionally barren as I am". |
 "You know how sometimes we can just look at each other and start laughing?" "That's because you keep wearing those goofy hats". |
 "Mommy I'm bored!" "Oops, I think the Xanax is wearing off". |
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