Danger Bunny's Screen Caps - The Bachelor:Paris, January 9, 2006

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Welcome to the eighth (and final if our ratings continue to spiral into the abyss) season of The Bachelor. As the grand-daddy of all dating shows (well, not counting The Dating Game and several dozen other shows) it's our responsibility to provide more soul-crushing, dream-killing, esteem-bashing and psychosis-inducing embarrassment than any other dating show on TV.

After out experiment starting with two bachelors completely failed to generate any new interest in the show we tried casting a D-List actor as the bachelor and the small amount of buzz that was generated was solely due to the occasional appearances of his much more attractive and successful older brother. So we did our best to come up with something new and exciting to draw more viewers in but since we all work in Hollywood which, by definition, means we aren't very creative we decided to recycled an idea from Joe Millionaire and shoot the show in France.

Welcome to The Bachelor: Paris

[Voice Over: We always try to induce a little Stockholm Syndrome into the ladies by sequestering them in a secluded mansion and this time it's no different. We're even going so far this year to take them to a foreign country so that they won't be able to communicate with anyone they accidentally come into contact with.]
[VO: We were going to go to London, England until one of our interns pointed out that they speak American there. So we've changed plans and decided to go to Paris. That's Paris, France. Not the more famous Paris, Tennessee.]

"This whole adventure, being in Paris, it's like a Grimm's fairy tale without all the warm-fuzzy bits".
[VO: We've had all sorts of bachelors in the past, but this time we decided to go with every mother's favourite future son-in-law. A doctor.]

"He's definitely the best looking guy who won't speak to me".
"My personal prescription for a life of happiness... Who writes this crap? What do you mean, cut?"

"For the last eight plus years of my life it's been work, work, work and booty-call booty-call booty-call. Now that I've finished my residency and paid off my student loans I'm looking for someone to settle down with. Someone to cook my meals, clean my house and iron my shirts".
[VO: And what better place to be the bachelor, than Paris, France.]

"What a great place, I've gotten laid twice and the show hasn't even started yet!"

"The only problem being in France is even if you talk really slowly and loudly all the foreigners here still have trouble understanding you".
"I need to learn a few key phrases in French. Let's see, 'Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?'. That should do it".

"I can't believe they don't know what Freedom Fries are!"
[VO: Coming up, Travis is introduced to the twenty-five desperate spinsters who have been foolish enough to think they we're actually trying to help them find the man of their dreams.]

"We believe we've found our most gullible bachelor to date. In this historic chateau (that's French for 'big-ass house') is where he'll be living and where we'll be toying with his emotions like a cat with a mouse".
"As an E.R. doctor Travis has held many hearts in his hands. I've got to shake his hand in a moment so I'm just hoping he remembered to wash them".

"It's the Eiffel tower".
"Of course they had to make theirs bigger than the one in Vegas!"
"Is everyone nervous right now about meeting the bachelor?"
"Not at all".
"Not at all?"
"Not since I finished off this bottle of Cristal".

"Travis has been too busy becoming a doctor to watch any Reality TV, so he has no idea what he's in for. Let's meet our new victim, I mean bachelor, right now".
"Hi Travis, nice to meet you".
"Nice to meet you, you're cuter than I thought you'd be".
"Oh not again, haven't they added a "Are you gay?" question to the application form yet?"
"I'm not gay, I'm just messing with you".

"How long do we have to just stand here".
"For a while yet, crane shots always take a long time".
"Oh my God, it's huge!"
"It is? You can see him?"
"No the house, the house is huge".

"Wow, I could definitely see myself living here".
"Get real, he's a Doctor, not Bill Gates".
"Someone has to own it, I wonder if he's married?"
"Is that a chateau in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Hey look at that, they have a moon here in France too".
"I look forward to sleeping with you, I mean speaking with you later tonight".

"Hi there, my names Kyle".
"Kyle? Your parents were hoping for a boy, huh?"
"Oh my God I'm such a klutz".
"Don't worry I'm kind of a klutz too".

That's really not something you want to hear your E.R. Doctor say.

"Hi I'm Jehan".
"Gee-hand?"
"Sure, why not, close enough".
"Our conversations tonight, only in French".
"But, I don't know that much French"
"That's OK, I'll be trying to look down your dress and not paying attention to what you're saying anyway".

"Welcome to the chateau".
"Thank you, thank you very much. It's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you".
"Go on in and I'll see you in a little bit".
"OK, thank you, thank you very much, I'll see you later, thank you.
"Hi I'm Travis".
"Hi Tara".
"No I'm Travis, you're Tara".

"Have you ever been to Paris before?"
"No, I've only seen it on the map at high-school".
"You learned where Paris was at school?"
"I went to private school?"
"Thanks for coming"
"You too, you look like you'll be one hell of a ride".

"Hi I'm Cole".
"Coal? As in Charcoal?"
"No, Cole, as in 'Old King Cole'".
"Hi Sara, nice to meet you".
"Thank you, you're a nice surprise".
"A surprise, how?"
"I don't know, that's what they've got written on the cue card".

"Are you nervous? Excited?"
"A little bit of both, how about you".
"I'm strangely calm, ever since I chose the blue pill".
"Hi I'm Princess".
"Princess, really? You don't look Jewish".

"I'm Liza, nice to meet you".
"Nice to meet you, how are you guys?"
"Guys? How much have you had to drink?"
"Just today or this whole trip?"
"You just met fifteen, amazing women, what's going through your head right now?"
"I'm thinking I shouldn't have had the double onions on my burger".

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Welcome to the eighth (and final if our ratings continue to spiral into the abyss) season of The Bachelor. As the grand-daddy of all dating shows (well, not counting The Dating Game and several dozen other shows) it's our responsibility to provide more soul-crushing, dream-killing, esteem-bashing and psychosis-inducing embarrassment than any other dating show on TV. After out experiment starting with two bachelors completely failed to generate any new interest in the show we tried casting a D-List actor as the bachelor and the small amount of buzz that was generated was solely due to the occasional appearances of his much more attractive and successful older brother. So we did our best to come up with something new and exciting to draw more viewers in but since we all work in Hollywood which, by definition, means we aren't very creative we decided to recycled an idea from Joe Millionaire and shoot the show in France. Welcome to *The Bachelor: Paris*
[Voice Over: We always try to induce a little Stockholm Syndrome into the ladies by sequestering them in a secluded mansion and this time it's no different. We're even going so far this year to take them to a foreign country so that they won't be able to communicate with anyone they accidentally come into contact with.]	[VO: We were going to go to London, England until one of our interns pointed out that they speak American there. So we've changed plans and decided to go to Paris. That's Paris, France. Not the more famous Paris, Tennessee.]
"This whole adventure, being in Paris, it's like a Grimm's fairy tale without all the warm-fuzzy bits".	[VO: We've had all sorts of bachelors in the past, but this time we decided to go with every mother's favourite future son-in-law. A doctor.]
"He's definitely the best looking guy who won't speak to me".	"My personal prescription for a life of happiness... Who writes this crap? What do you mean, cut?"
"For the last eight plus years of my life it's been work, work, work and booty-call booty-call booty-call. Now that I've finished my residency and paid off my student loans I'm looking for someone to settle down with. Someone to cook my meals, clean my house and iron my shirts".	[VO: And what better place to be the bachelor, than Paris, France.] "What a great place, I've gotten laid twice and the show hasn't even started yet!"
"The only problem being in France is even if you talk really slowly and loudly all the foreigners here still have trouble understanding you".	"I need to learn a few key phrases in French. Let's see, 'Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?'. That should do it".
"I can't believe they don't know what Freedom Fries are!"	[VO: Coming up, Travis is introduced to the twenty-five desperate spinsters who have been foolish enough to think they we're actually trying to help them find the man of their dreams.]
"We believe we've found our most gullible bachelor to date. In this historic chateau (that's French for 'big-ass house') is where he'll be living and where we'll be toying with his emotions like a cat with a mouse".	"As an E.R. doctor Travis has held many hearts in his hands. I've got to shake his hand in a moment so I'm just hoping he remembered to wash them".
"It's the Eiffel tower". "Of course they had to make theirs bigger than the one in Vegas!"	"Is everyone nervous right now about meeting the bachelor?" "Not at all". "Not at all?" "Not since I finished off this bottle of Cristal".
"Travis has been too busy becoming a doctor to watch any Reality TV, so he has no idea what he's in for. Let's meet our new victim, I mean bachelor, right now".	"Hi Travis, nice to meet you". "Nice to meet you, you're cuter than I thought you'd be". "Oh not again, haven't they added a "Are you gay?" question to the application form yet?" "I'm not gay, I'm just messing with you".
"How long do we have to just stand here". "For a while yet, crane shots always take a long time".	"Oh my God, it's huge!" "It is? You can see him?" "No the house, the house is huge".
"Wow, I could definitely see myself living here". "Get real, he's a Doctor, not Bill Gates". "Someone has to own it, I wonder if he's married?"	"Is that a chateau in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
"Hey look at that, they have a moon here in France too".	"I look forward to sleeping with you, I mean speaking with you later tonight".
"Hi there, my names Kyle". "Kyle? Your parents were hoping for a boy, huh?"	"Oh my God I'm such a klutz". "Don't worry I'm kind of a klutz too". That's really not something you want to hear your E.R. Doctor say.
"Hi I'm Jehan". "Gee-hand?" "Sure, why not, close enough".	"Our conversations tonight, only in French". "But, I don't know that much French" "That's OK, I'll be trying to look down your dress and not paying attention to what you're saying anyway".
"Welcome to the chateau". "Thank you, thank you very much. It's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you". "Go on in and I'll see you in a little bit". "OK, thank you, thank you very much, I'll see you later, thank you.	"Hi I'm Travis". "Hi Tara". "No I'm Travis, you're Tara".
"Have you ever been to Paris before?" "No, I've only seen it on the map at high-school". "You learned where Paris was at school?" "I went to private school?"	"Thanks for coming" "You too, you look like you'll be one hell of a ride".
"Hi I'm Cole". "Coal? As in Charcoal?" "No, Cole, as in 'Old King Cole'".	"Hi Sara, nice to meet you". "Thank you, you're a nice surprise". "A surprise, how?" "I don't know, that's what they've got written on the cue card".
"Are you nervous? Excited?" "A little bit of both, how about you". "I'm strangely calm, ever since I chose the blue pill".	"Hi I'm Princess". "Princess, really? You don't look Jewish".
"I'm Liza, nice to meet you". "Nice to meet you, how are you guys?" "Guys? How much have you had to drink?" "Just today or this whole trip?"	"You just met fifteen, amazing women, what's going through your head right now?" "I'm thinking I shouldn't have had the double onions on my burger".
Continued on next page...
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