Danger Bunny's Screen Caps - The Bachelor, May 16, 2005

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This season of The Bachelor has been different in many cosmetic ways but still very similar in any material sense. There have been no limos, no gowns, no fancy parties and no rules (which seems to be a euphemism for 'there are rules but we're just not going to tell you want they are ahead of time'). All the things that matter are still there: Psychos; criers; booze; sluts; prudes; whiners; lip-mashing; booze; uncomfortable silences; awkward body-language; booze; self-delusion; creative editing; implants; cattiness; booze; and, as always, the disquietingly-unemotional non-human presence of Robo-Chris.

When Charlie signed on to do the show he had to agree to limit his horn-dogging (for six weeks) from all the gold-digging whores in L.A. and N.Y. willing to date a semi-celebrity with a famous brother to the twenty-five women hand picked by Fleiss to provide an entertaining show. Through the course of the season Chuck's whittled down his selection to the final two ladies, the first is a compact-sized nurse and the other a leggy piece of white trash. So finally we can all breathe a sigh of relief as we come to the final episode and find out whom Charlie picks to spend the rest of his life with, or the next two weeks -- whichever comes first.

"But first, we need to waste time regurgitating a bunch of crap to remind you what happened on previous episodes because we know nothing on this show is very memorable".
"I'm in Montauk which has the best beaches in the world except that it's too cold, there are no people, no surf and the sand is contaminated from the New York sewer system".

Look, you can see the footprints from take-one.
"Oooo, dolphins!"

Sorry, wrong season.

"It's wonderful here".
"It's not Aruba and it's important for me to find out if you still like me when I'm not taking you to exotic vacation destinations".
"You're forgetting, where I come from this is an exotic vacation destination".
"I look cute on this scooter. But you're a guy, you just look gay".
"That's why I'm riding like a maniac, Xtreme-scootering is macho!"
"Not really, it's more butch than macho."

"It's good to be back where everybody knows my name".
"Chuck!"
"Chuck!"
"I was hanging out with Frankensteve when the guy playing my best friend showed up".

"Me and Charlie work together".
"So you're a D-List celebrity too?"
"It's great to see you this happy".
"I've been drinking since 7 am".
"That explains it!"

"He's probably the most real celebrity I've ever met. Of course he's the only celebrity I've ever met".
"I hate to break it to you sweetheart but he's not a real celebrity, his celebrity status ranks somewhat below Dustin Diamond".
"I like Krisily, she's a cool chick. That's why I gave her my number".

"He brought you back to the place he hangs out and that means something. It means he gets his drinks paid for by Fleiss".
What's up with the ugly fish lamp?

Hey! Is that Charlie's Ex sneaking around outside?
"It's just something the producers gave me to give to you".
"It's... interesting".

"I answer the phone for a hair salon during the day and I'm a bartender at night".
"If you tend bar you've already met three of Charlie's top five criteria".
"When I first met Krisily I thought she was beautiful. Then she started talking and I had to change my opinion".

"You have a great son, it's hard not to fall in love with him when you're being held prisoner by the producers and he's the only guy you're allowed to interact with".
"When I see Charlie I get butterflies and this icky feeling inside".

"If you pick me I'd be willing to move to be with you".
"That's big because I know you have your house and all".
"I know the odds of this actually working out. I'm keeping the house".
"I heard about the crappy gift they made Krisily give you so I talked them into letting me give you some wine".

"I was extremely nervous, they're all so much taller than me".
"Why Texas, why'd you move to Texas".
"Only a Northerner would ask that question!"

"I was watching Oprah and she had Dr. Phil on and he said that Love is something that is built in a relationship over time".
"Ah, so you're the gay friend".
"Our relationship started out as more of a kidnapper/kidnappee kind of thing but it's really grown into more of a cult-leader/follower relationship".

"It was a little uncomfortable talking to Jack because he's a stereotypical New Yorker".
"I'm Charlie's best friend and I don't want to see him hook up with a chick I don't like because I have nothing going for me and have to live vicariously through him".

"Jack's not afraid to be a jerk and say what he feels, which is why I like to hang out with him. I look so much better when I'm being compared to him".
"They both seemed much more mature than you do".
"Only because I was lot drunker than they were".

"They both like him for his honesty and his personality".
"They like him because they're both looking for a fixer-upper and they think they can change him".
"Ever since I took some of my Mom's estrogen pills by mistake last night I can't stop crying".

"Usually at this point the Bachelor would have the final dates, shop for a ring and make his final decision. But we're paying the price for our decision to go with an immature moron as the bachelor. Charlie can't make up his mind, so we're going to do what all his teachers did when he was taking tests in school -- give him more time".
"I don't think that anything that happened here isn't real. It's Reality-TV it has to be real".
"Wow, you really don't get it do you?"

"I'm a hundred percent ready to make a commitment and it scares me a little that I can't make you feel the same. I mean, how's our relationship going to work if I can't make you do what I want?"
"I have serious feelings but I don't like serious talks, they make my brain hurt".

What a crappy framing job, the picture isn't even close to flat.
Ick! Change the camera angle! Change the camera angle!

"I wouldn't not be not stressed if I wasn't not trying to not figure out what's not right".
"Tell me this isn't the bed you did it with Kim in".
"Ummm..."
"At least tell me you changed the sheets!"
"Ummm..."

"You've got one job while I'm gone, don't sleep with Sara".
"If you want the chocolate I'll give you the chocolate. Life will be so much better once you've picked me and I don't have to worry about Krisily any more so I can get everything my way".

"I was hoping this whole thing would be over and Charlie would have his mind made up so I can get my name on his ATM card".
"I've got a tough decision to make and if there's anything I've learned from my Peter Pan complex it's to put off tough decisions as long as possible".

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Visitor's Comments:

anonymous writes:

GREAT recaps, DangerBunny! My fave:

"I was watching Oprah and she had Dr. Phil on and he said that Love is something that is built in a relationship over time".
"Ah, so you're the gay friend".

LOL

Carla writes:

LOL! They're all good as usual - I especially liked the one about the teachers giving him more time when taking tests in school. LOL!

anonymous writes:

So many hilarious quips, it's hard to choose just a few, but I'll try. 1) the footprints from take one, 2)I've been drinking since 7am, 3) Mom's estrogen pills, and 4) the crappy framing job. Great job, DB!

BuckeyeGal writes:

Great job as always Danger

PHan writes:

Thanks DB. No matter where your screen caps land, they're still hilarious. Just way too many funny lines for me to quote

Ariel writes:

I see we have an in-sync ICK meter. LOL! Wonderful job. Glad you found a spot and I think this is the way to go with your recaps. No one looking over your shoulder except those who enjoy your humor.

Berries writes:

Great work as always, DB!! I thought I was finished laughing at this latest series, but you've proven me wrong!
Good luck with your new site!

Zinnia writes:

Great job DangerBunny! Loved the person ducking out of camera sight, the take-two footprints, and of course the snark. Fixer-upper indeed. Now you have to screencap ATFR to complete the story.

fireflyer writes:

I love this dangerbunny, you're great! You always to a terrific job and everyone enjoys it :)

cafegirl writes:

I'm late in checking in with out access to the computer, but this was definitely worth the wait.Thanks so much for sending me the link... I'll be in Danger Bunny Bachelor Screencap withdrawal until January!!

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This season of The Bachelor has been different in many cosmetic ways but still very similar in any material sense. There have been no limos, no gowns, no fancy parties and no rules (which seems to be a euphemism for 'there are rules but we're just not going to tell you want they are ahead of time'). All the things that matter are still there: Psychos; criers; booze; sluts; prudes; whiners; lip-mashing; booze; uncomfortable silences; awkward body-language; booze; self-delusion; creative editing; implants; cattiness; booze; and, as always, the disquietingly-unemotional non-human presence of Robo-Chris. When Charlie signed on to do the show he had to agree to limit his horn-dogging (for six weeks) from all the gold-digging whores in L.A. and N.Y. willing to date a semi-celebrity with a famous brother to the twenty-five women hand picked by Fleiss to provide an entertaining show. Through the course of the season Chuck's whittled down his selection to the final two ladies, the first is a compact-sized nurse and the other a leggy piece of white trash. So finally we can all breathe a sigh of relief as we come to the final episode and find out whom Charlie picks to spend the rest of his life with, or the next two weeks -- whichever comes first.
"But first, we need to waste time regurgitating a bunch of crap to remind you what happened on previous episodes because we know nothing on this show is very memorable".	"I'm in Montauk which has the best beaches in the world except that it's too cold, there are no people, no surf and the sand is contaminated from the New York sewer system".
Look, you can see the footprints from take-one.	"Oooo, dolphins!" Sorry, wrong season.
"It's wonderful here". "It's not Aruba and it's important for me to find out if you still like me when I'm not taking you to exotic vacation destinations". "You're forgetting, where I come from this is an exotic vacation destination".	"I look cute on this scooter. But you're a guy, you just look gay". "That's why I'm riding like a maniac, Xtreme-scootering is macho!" "Not really, it's more butch than macho."
"It's good to be back where everybody knows my name". "Chuck!" "Chuck!"	"I was hanging out with Frankensteve when the guy playing my best friend showed up".
"Me and Charlie work together". "So you're a D-List celebrity too?"	"It's great to see you this happy". "I've been drinking since 7 am". "That explains it!"
"He's probably the most real celebrity I've ever met. Of course he's the only celebrity I've ever met". "I hate to break it to you sweetheart but he's not a real celebrity, his celebrity status ranks somewhat below Dustin Diamond".	"I like Krisily, she's a cool chick. That's why I gave her my number".
"He brought you back to the place he hangs out and that means something. It means he gets his drinks paid for by Fleiss".	What's up with the ugly fish lamp?
Hey! Is that Charlie's Ex sneaking around outside?	"It's just something the producers gave me to give to you". "It's... interesting".
"I answer the phone for a hair salon during the day and I'm a bartender at night". "If you tend bar you've already met three of Charlie's top five criteria".	"When I first met Krisily I thought she was beautiful. Then she started talking and I had to change my opinion".
"You have a great son, it's hard not to fall in love with him when you're being held prisoner by the producers and he's the only guy you're allowed to interact with".	"When I see Charlie I get butterflies and this icky feeling inside".
"If you pick me I'd be willing to move to be with you". "That's big because I know you have your house and all". "I know the odds of this actually working out. I'm keeping the house".	"I heard about the crappy gift they made Krisily give you so I talked them into letting me give you some wine".
"I was extremely nervous, they're all so much taller than me".	"Why Texas, why'd you move to Texas". "Only a Northerner would ask that question!"
"I was watching Oprah and she had Dr. Phil on and he said that Love is something that is built in a relationship over time". "Ah, so you're the gay friend".	"Our relationship started out as more of a kidnapper/kidnappee kind of thing but it's really grown into more of a cult-leader/follower relationship".
"It was a little uncomfortable talking to Jack because he's a stereotypical New Yorker".	"I'm Charlie's best friend and I don't want to see him hook up with a chick I don't like because I have nothing going for me and have to live vicariously through him".
"Jack's not afraid to be a jerk and say what he feels, which is why I like to hang out with him. I look so much better when I'm being compared to him".	"They both seemed much more mature than you do". "Only because I was lot drunker than they were".
"They both like him for his honesty and his personality". "They like him because they're both looking for a fixer-upper and they think they can change him".	"Ever since I took some of my Mom's estrogen pills by mistake last night I can't stop crying".
"Usually at this point the Bachelor would have the final dates, shop for a ring and make his final decision. But we're paying the price for our decision to go with an immature moron as the bachelor. Charlie can't make up his mind, so we're going to do what all his teachers did when he was taking tests in school -- give him more time".	"I don't think that anything that happened here isn't real. It's Reality-TV it has to be real". "Wow, you really don't get it do you?"
"I'm a hundred percent ready to make a commitment and it scares me a little that I can't make you feel the same. I mean, how's our relationship going to work if I can't make you do what I want?"	"I have serious feelings but I don't like serious talks, they make my brain hurt".
What a crappy framing job, the picture isn't even close to flat.	Ick! Change the camera angle! Change the camera angle!
"I wouldn't not be not stressed if I wasn't not trying to not figure out what's not right".	"Tell me this isn't the bed you did it with Kim in". "Ummm..." "At least tell me you changed the sheets!" "Ummm..."
"You've got one job while I'm gone, don't sleep with Sara".	"If you want the chocolate I'll give you the chocolate. Life will be so much better once you've picked me and I don't have to worry about Krisily any more so I can get everything my way".
"I was hoping this whole thing would be over and Charlie would have his mind made up so I can get my name on his ATM card".	"I've got a tough decision to make and if there's anything I've learned from my Peter Pan complex it's to put off tough decisions as long as possible".