Danger Bunny's Screen Caps - The Bachelor, April 25, 2005

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Chucky has taken pity on twenty-one of the twenty-five women originally trapped and imprisoned by the producers and set them free to get on with their lives. No longer being satisfied with persecuting just the remaining women he now plans to torment their families with his presence as well. But Chuckles is unaware that, with the producers help, the women have been planning their revenge. Their loved ones have been replaced with pod-people specially bred with an inhuman tolerance for moronic semi-celebrities and a strong predilection for psychological torture. Payback's a bitch, but it should make for a fun show.

So let's get started.

"I'm in McKinney Texas and I'm really nervous, this place is just chock-full of gun totin', tabacki chewin', shine swillin', Bush supportin' rednecks who don't much care for slick Hollywood wannabes like yours truly".
"You wear pajamas at work?"
"I slept in this morning and didn't have time to get dressed".

"Unlike the other girls, I'm not a loser. I've got a real job and I own my own home. My life is already established, so it's not a matter of 'can I fit into Charlie's life?' it's 'can Charlie fit into my life and will he be happy being a house-husband?'"
"My plan is to test Charlie and see if he's really here for the right reasons. So today I'm going to try to scare him off by talking about marriage, children and commitment".

"You're a sloppy kisser, just like me!"
"Hey! Stop Frenching my dog!"

"I haven't seen you in a coon's age".

Did he just say "coon's age"? Seriously, he didn't just say "coon's age" did he?
"Do you mind me asking some tough questions?"
"No, as long as they don't involve reading, riting or rithmatic".

"This dork is the bachelor? Fleiss searched the whole country for a guy who's handsome, charming, suave, intelligent and successful and couldn't find a guy with even one of those qualities?".
"Yesterday was the first day I couldn't get sleep".
"Because you were so excited about seeing Sara?"
"No, because there was no mini bar in the hotel so it's the first night I haven't pasted out drunk in so long that I forgot how".

"I'm Nosey McNoserson, so I want to know what Sara sees in this dweeb?"
"Have you kissed him yet?"
"No. I'm not kissing him until I get his results back from the Free-Clinic".
"But you are attracted to him?"
"Yah".
"Ewww".

"Are you doing this to boost your career?"
"No. If you knew me you'd know that I can't act and no amount of 'exposure' is going to change that".
"After talking with Charlie I feel that I can tell Sara that he's definitely truthful. He's clearly not smart enough to lie convincingly".

"I'm here to met up with Kimberly at the only semi-interesting place in Edmonton".
"I'm so excited to have Charlie here, I can hardly wait to get my ~~claws into his wallet~~ paws on him".

"How's the Ukrainian beer Charlie?"
"I love it, except the glasses are too small".
"We have eleven different types of pierogi; potato and spam; potato, cheese and spam; spam, potato and spam; spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam; potato, spam, onion and spam; spam, onion, spam, spam, back bacon and spam; mushroom, spam, spam, potato and spam; spam, spam, cottage-cheese and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, sardines and spam; spam, spam, spam, blueberries and spam; and... oh yah, spam".

"Then you just throw it. Don't worry if a few get on the ground, no one can see back here".
"If you and Charlie get married you can take over The Pyrogi House".
"Mom, he's not going to move to Edmonton and take over the restaurant. He's not that stupid".

"I've got one that's a little floppy".
"Well never mind, there's always artificial insemination".
"I don't think we should fool around in the back of your Mom and Pop's shop".
"No, it's cool. I fooled around with all the guys in high-school back here".
"All of them?"
"Everyone except Stinky Steve".

"I bet you never went to a restaurant where you had to cook your own food before, eh?"
"No, but I've been in lots of bars where I mixed my own drinks".
"I knew Charlie and Kim were here in town and I wanted to get revenge for the way they treated me on the show".

"How did you know we were here?"
"I've been stalking you for a year and a half, I always know where you are".
"Can he handle the Kim-Wild?"
"Please don't mention that".
"Why? Doesn't he know your stage name?"

"I don't know what you're looking for. Can I get another one?"
"Wow, that's three drinks in ten minutes. I think I may have made a mistake eliminating you".
"Do you have the meatball connection with this guy?"

I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what that is.

The boy's like seven feet tall, he's got to start dating girls who wear heels.
"Sara started off great but the house cracked her. By the time she left she couldn't utter a word out without twitching. It was pretty funny to watch".

"It's a cute little town".
"It sure is little, tiny even".
"It's not that little, we've got a Starcents and everything".
"One thing I know, Grizzly and you didn't get along".

I know he's probably saying Krisily, but I swear it sounds like he says Grizzly!

You're trying to explain to Chucky that you didn't say what Tiny Sara said you said. So why are you looking into the camera?
"There's a lot I don't know about Sara".

That's because you've only had a couple of dates with her. Not everyone is as simple as you are!

A pink house! Sara's parents have a pink house? I guess the insanity is hereditary.
"Let's see it, let's see it".
"OK, OK. Give me a minute, I've never used this phone before. I think the P.A. said I just have to push this button".

"Charlie's questions revealed to me that the other girls were trying to sabotage me. The good thing is, Charlie can't concentrate on any one thing for more than a couple of minutes and then he forgets all about it".
"What was your first date like?"
"We had group dates but it's not a dirty as it sounds. There were lots of people watching and cameras filming everything -- I think I'm making this worse".

"You seem like a great guy to have a beer with".
"Just one? I don't think I've ever had just one beer".
"Here's to having Charlie. Here".
"Here? On the table?"

"I've got to George Foreman for the grill, know what I'm saying?"

No. That didn't make any sense what so ever.
"I'm worried about her getting her hawt broken".
"What's a 'hawt'?"

"When Krisily and her Ex broke up, I had to pick up the pieces".

Danger, Wil Robinson!
"OK, we've fixed your hair. Give me some more time and I'll fix the rest of you."

"When I got to Krisily's house I met her Nana, Edith".
"Oh Archie, he's so handsome! Isn't her handsome Archie".
"I haven't seen them kiss yet".
"Are you kidding, no one kisses at the dinner table".
"I feel like I'm twelve".
"Twelve? They made you kiss guys at the dinner table when you were twelve?

Something tells me Nana is a big fan of the movie Harold and Maude.
"I'm having a tough time figuring out who to give roses to. The next dates are the fantasy dates with the overnight suite and Kim's a sure thing but I've been there already so the question is, 'do I hit it again or do I take a chance on someone new?'"

He's really about to break down. He's not acting, I've seen him act and he's not that good.
"I didn't know even this morning. Then I started getting the death threats from your Ex and well... *shrug*".

"I'm not that wild, if you don't believe me you can ask the guys on the lacrosse team. Or the hockey and rugby teams. Or any of the guys in the Edmonton fire department".

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Chucky has taken pity on twenty-one of the twenty-five women originally trapped and imprisoned by the producers and set them free to get on with their lives. No longer being satisfied with persecuting just the remaining women he now plans to torment their families with his presence as well. But Chuckles is unaware that, with the producers help, the women have been planning their revenge. Their loved ones have been replaced with pod-people specially bred with an inhuman tolerance for moronic semi-celebrities and a strong predilection for psychological torture. Payback's a bitch, but it should make for a fun show. So let's get started.
"I'm in McKinney Texas and I'm really nervous, this place is just chock-full of gun totin', tabacki chewin', shine swillin', Bush supportin' rednecks who don't much care for slick Hollywood wannabes like yours truly".	"You wear pajamas at work?" "I slept in this morning and didn't have time to get dressed".
"Unlike the other girls, I'm not a loser. I've got a real job and I own my own home. My life is already established, so it's not a matter of 'can I fit into Charlie's life?' it's 'can Charlie fit into my life and will he be happy being a house-husband?'"	"My plan is to test Charlie and see if he's really here for the right reasons. So today I'm going to try to scare him off by talking about marriage, children and commitment".
"You're a sloppy kisser, just like me!"	"Hey! Stop Frenching my dog!"
"I haven't seen you in a coon's age". Did he just say "coon's age"? Seriously, he didn't just say "coon's age" did he?	"Do you mind me asking some tough questions?" "No, as long as they don't involve reading, riting or rithmatic".
"This dork is the bachelor? Fleiss searched the whole country for a guy who's handsome, charming, suave, intelligent and successful and couldn't find a guy with even one of those qualities?".	"Yesterday was the first day I couldn't get sleep". "Because you were so excited about seeing Sara?" "No, because there was no mini bar in the hotel so it's the first night I haven't pasted out drunk in so long that I forgot how".
"I'm Nosey McNoserson, so I want to know what Sara sees in this dweeb?"	"Have you kissed him yet?" "No. I'm not kissing him until I get his results back from the Free-Clinic". "But you are attracted to him?" "Yah". "Ewww".
"Are you doing this to boost your career?" "No. If you knew me you'd know that I can't act and no amount of 'exposure' is going to change that".	"After talking with Charlie I feel that I can tell Sara that he's definitely truthful. He's clearly not smart enough to lie convincingly".
"I'm here to met up with Kimberly at the only semi-interesting place in Edmonton".	"I'm so excited to have Charlie here, I can hardly wait to get my ~~claws into his wallet~~ paws on him".
"How's the Ukrainian beer Charlie?" "I love it, except the glasses are too small".	"We have eleven different types of pierogi; potato and spam; potato, cheese and spam; spam, potato and spam; spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam; potato, spam, onion and spam; spam, onion, spam, spam, back bacon and spam; mushroom, spam, spam, potato and spam; spam, spam, cottage-cheese and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, sardines and spam; spam, spam, spam, blueberries and spam; and... oh yah, spam".
"Then you just throw it. Don't worry if a few get on the ground, no one can see back here".	"If you and Charlie get married you can take over The Pyrogi House". "Mom, he's not going to move to Edmonton and take over the restaurant. He's not that stupid".
"I've got one that's a little floppy". "Well never mind, there's always artificial insemination".	"I don't think we should fool around in the back of your Mom and Pop's shop". "No, it's cool. I fooled around with all the guys in high-school back here". "All of them?" "Everyone except Stinky Steve".
"I bet you never went to a restaurant where you had to cook your own food before, eh?" "No, but I've been in lots of bars where I mixed my own drinks".	"I knew Charlie and Kim were here in town and I wanted to get revenge for the way they treated me on the show".
"How did you know we were here?" "I've been stalking you for a year and a half, I always know where you are".	"Can he handle the Kim-Wild?" "Please don't mention that". "Why? Doesn't he know your stage name?"
"I don't know what you're looking for. Can I get another one?" "Wow, that's three drinks in ten minutes. I think I may have made a mistake eliminating you".	"Do you have the meatball connection with this guy?" I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what that is.
The boy's like seven feet tall, he's got to start dating girls who wear heels.	"Sara started off great but the house cracked her. By the time she left she couldn't utter a word out without twitching. It was pretty funny to watch".
"It's a cute little town". "It sure is little, tiny even". "It's not that little, we've got a Starcents and everything".	"One thing I know, Grizzly and you didn't get along". I know he's probably saying Krisily, but I swear it sounds like he says Grizzly!
You're trying to explain to Chucky that you didn't say what Tiny Sara said you said. So why are you looking into the camera?	"There's a lot I don't know about Sara". That's because you've only had a couple of dates with her. Not everyone is as simple as you are!
A pink house! Sara's parents have a pink house? I guess the insanity is hereditary.	"Let's see it, let's see it". "OK, OK. Give me a minute, I've never used this phone before. I think the P.A. said I just have to push this button".
"Charlie's questions revealed to me that the other girls were trying to sabotage me. The good thing is, Charlie can't concentrate on any one thing for more than a couple of minutes and then he forgets all about it".	"What was your first date like?" "We had group dates but it's not a dirty as it sounds. There were lots of people watching and cameras filming everything -- I think I'm making this worse".
"You seem like a great guy to have a beer with". "Just one? I don't think I've ever had just one beer".	"Here's to having Charlie. Here". "Here? On the table?"
"I've got to George Foreman for the grill, know what I'm saying?" No. That didn't make any sense what so ever.	"I'm worried about her getting her hawt broken". "What's a 'hawt'?"
"When Krisily and her Ex broke up, I had to pick up the pieces". Danger, Wil Robinson!	"OK, we've fixed your hair. Give me some more time and I'll fix the rest of you."
"When I got to Krisily's house I met her Nana, Edith". "Oh Archie, he's so handsome! Isn't her handsome Archie".	"I haven't seen them kiss yet". "Are you kidding, no one kisses at the dinner table". "I feel like I'm twelve". "Twelve? They made you kiss guys at the dinner table when you were twelve?
Something tells me Nana is a big fan of the movie Harold and Maude.	"I'm having a tough time figuring out who to give roses to. The next dates are the fantasy dates with the overnight suite and Kim's a sure thing but I've been there already so the question is, 'do I hit it again or do I take a chance on someone new?'"
He's really about to break down. He's not acting, I've seen him act and he's not that good.	"I didn't know even this morning. Then I started getting the death threats from your Ex and well... shrug".
"I'm not that wild, if you don't believe me you can ask the guys on the lacrosse team. Or the hockey and rugby teams. Or any of the guys in the Edmonton fire department".