Previously on The Bachelor, Charlie heartlessly dashed the hopes and dreams
of seventeen women who came on the show looking for love and the ultimate prize,
getting married and starting a life and family together with the man of their dreams.
No one's buying this crap, right? So to recap, Charlie has kicked seventeen fame-whores
off the show cutting their fifteen minutes of fame to a literal fifteen minutes.
This week there will be more passionless lip-mashing, more overly melodramatic speeches,
more insensitive bad-mouthing and more tasteless wardrobe choices. So pour yourself
a big glass of your favourite cocktail (no double-entendre intended), grab some popcorn,
make sure the kids aren't around and let's revel in the debauchery. |
"I like these panties, they can hold a lot of dollar bills". |
"I had this custom made to fit me".
Can you get your money back? |
"Kim had this 90's Madonna outfit on that I couldn't get away with wearing
without getting a breast job". |
"Oh no, Mom's gonna kill me now". |
"Hi! Charlie? I'm having trouble hearing you, is that a truck? Why are you at
a pay phone?" |
"Tonight should be fun because Kim's such a slut and I'm already three sheets
to the wind". |
"Why Not?"
"She'll get so much air-time we won't be on this week's show at all". |
"They told me they don't think it's appropriate to wear such a sleazy and tasteless
outfit to an Art Gallery. I explained to them that I am sleazy and tasteless so they
should butt out". |
"[sniff] Eww. I can't tell what smells worse, my breath or my hand". |
"When I saw her tonight I thought 'Wow, she's a lot more conservative than I
was hoping'". |
"Me and Art, pshaw. If this is me, then this is.. no wait [hick]. If this is
Art then, [hick] no this is Art. This is Art and this is me and this is Art too and
this is... [hick] who's this? Why does the number of fingers keep changing? [hick]". |
"Kim is boring when there's no pole nearby, so to liven up the evening I brought
in some paintings I did when I was a kid as a joke. By the end of the evening I'd
sold three of them". |
"Of course I don't want to go home tonight. The more time I get on the show
now, the more tips I'll get in my G-String later". |
"Do you want to go see where my parents I live?" |
"So in order to get any air-time at all on the show this week, we opened our
luggage and found slutty cloths to party in for Kim-Fest 2005".
Wait a minute, didn't they just finish giving Kim a hard time for having slutty
cloths? Aw man, now I have to look up how to spell 'hypocrisy'. |
I guess her daughter goes to private school. |
Hey Anitra, you gave Kim a hard time about dressing like a slut but at least screen
fuzz guy didn't have to fuzz her out. I think you owe her an apology. |
"Your place looks like someone's mother decorated it". |
"You have so many pictures of yourself".
"That's only because I'm incredibly narcissistic". |
He's not looking at her again. What's with this guy? Is he just so drunk he can't
focus? |
"Kim is at Charlie's house right now".
"How do you know?"
"I hid a GPS tracker in her mic-pack". |
"We just got busted by the girls, you better go".
"Thank-you for having me. Here". |
It looks like she's trying to make some money on the way home. |
"I wish you guys were up when I got back last night so that someone could have
held my hair". |
"Kim and I are very different, I've never thrown my back out because of implants". |
"I don't like being left here alone with Kim, good thing I've had all my shots". |
"OK grab your ball".
Dirty! |
"I really felt like I was with Sara W. and her boyfriend".
She's quite observant, and way to smart for this guy. I don't get why she doesn't
just leave. |
"Enough bowling, let's class this party up and go play some pool". |
"It's pretty normal, you go back to your pad, you hang out".
"Yah, but I wouldn't spend the night there".
"Then how do you make the guy buy you breakfast?" |
"I'd like to steal you for some one-on-one time".
"Yah, OK. If I can get up without falling over..." |
"I think we could probably have a good battle of wits".
"That's brave of you to fight unarmed". |
"I definitely think we could be good friends. As far as dating goes, we'll figure
that out after I sober up". |
"Ugh! Those are ugly boots". |
"Guys love it when you show 'em skin, they'll even pay you to do it". |
"Kim was trying to teach me how to be a slut. I had a kid when I was
Sixteen, I don't need lessons from her". |
"I'm just trying to get through the day, I woke up this morning with a massive
hangover. I'm not Seventeen anymore, I can't go out and drink all night and still
function the next day. That's one of the reasons why I need to settle down". |
"Ooo, there's a card too. 'Condolences on your loss, Martha', who's Martha?" |
"Thank you so much for my flowers".
"Your flowers? I sent you flowers? I must have been totally wasted, I only send
flowers when I'm totally wasted". |
"I think we have a lot in common, you have a little kid, I have the maturity
of a little kid". |
"I needed to talk to someone so on the spur of the moment I decided to call
my brother, fortunately for everyone there just happened to be a camera crew
at his place at that moment". |
"Do me a favour Chucky, no hot tub scenes. I've seen you with your shirt off
man, don't be jumping into any hot tubs". |
"Can you tell us why these two very different ladies have a rose?"
"Well, I can't remember most of my date with Kim and at the end of the bowling
date I was so out of it I thought Sara B. was Sara W." |
"I don't know why I'm being overlooked, I'm smart, I'm articulate, I'm well
read and I'm successful".
You just answered your own question. |
"I'm annoyed because I didn't get any one-on-one time, I don't think he got
to know me. Plus, now I have to get a green card the hard way". |
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