Danger Bunny's Screen Caps - The Bachelor, April 4, 2005

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Last week we met Charlie and his gaggle of suitorettes which he ruthlessly cut down from twenty five hopefuls, to twelve. At this rate the show will last about three episodes, so I guess I better not waste any time.

This week on the penultimate episode:

I guess the girls aren't neat freaks.
"Must get rid of bitter taste of self-loathing".

"I didn't feel that I'd been getting enough air-time, so I picked a fight with Kerry".
"I heard you talking about me, you were talking about the body shot".
"You can't prove we were talking about you. We were careful not to use any names, we only used the term 'trailer-trash-slut'. We could have been talking about any trailer-trash-slut who did a body shot with Charlie at the bar last night".
"I'm the only trailer-trash-slut who did a body shot with Charlie last night and you know it!"

"I really tried to be friendly, I didn't say any of this in front of her. It was all behind her back, I don't know why she's so upset!"
"[Impression = Mohammad Ali] I tell it like it is, where's the slut, who's the slut, you the slut. I float like a butterfly and sting sluts like a bee [Impression = none]".

"I don't know what's going on, I'm here to meet a good girl. Oh, [baby voice = on] you're a good girl aren't you, yes you are, you're a good girl, yes, a good girl, yes you are [baby voice = off]".
"This time, one-on-one dates can be very dangerous. You have to walk alone along 152nd street at night to get to and from the date".

"Now who gets the individual dates? [change to over-dubbed soundtrack] The dates go to the two women who are the most compatible according to their application. [change back to live audio recording]".

I wonder what he really said.
"That's not fair, I lied on my application".

Ah, she is so cute and so nice. Charlie's a moron if he doesn't pick her! Oh... I guess she's not going to make it to the end.
"We want you to pack your bags before your dates and leave them at the door. This has nothing to do with the dates, we just feel it's the only way we're going to get you to clean up your room".

"I hope to see you all at the next rose ceremony. Until then I'll see you on the hidden shower cam".
"I'm planning on being very spontaneous tonight. I've already thought of five spontaneous things I can do".

"My taser is fully charged and I'm going to shock Charlie tonight because an unconscious boyfreind is a boyfriend who's not cheating on you".
Ahhh! White boxers aren't as bad as tighty-whities but they are still bad! If you're going to be on TV in your undies how about wearing something with some colour? Black is good, red, green, even a nice dark blue but not white! Come on!

"Where are you going on your date?"
"I don't know, I don't want to know. I want it to be spontaneous".

No, that would be a surprise. Clearly this woman doesn't know what spontaneous means
"Three of the twelve girls here are blondes (but none naturally), so clearly Charlie prefers blondes".

"So do you all think I should dye my hair?"
[all] "Yes!"

Tip to any future contestants: The other girls in the house are not on your side. Don't ask them for advice on how to get the guy you're all competing for.
"Before my date tonight I wanted to go blonde. So I grabbed the first gay guy off the street I could find to help me".

Oops, I guess the shampoo guys backed out of their product placement deal.
"Oh my God!"

My sentiments exactly. She looked much better before.

"I'm taking her to the Savannah Steakhouse. The Savannah Steakhouse is a buddy's restaurant and I told him I'd try to mention his restaurant, the Savannah Steakhouse, as many times as I could. In return my buddy, who owns the Savannah Steakhouse, agreed to forgive my bar tab at the Savannah Steakhouse".
"I like your hair".
"Thank you, that's so nice of you to say".
"We're on a date, I have to say that".

"How did you like going to Florida State?"
"I loved it, it's a total party school. I just partied for the whole four years. But now that I've graduated it's time to put having fun behind me and get married".
"To figure out if a rose should be given is the most pressure I've ever had on a date. Usually I just get the girl drunk and take her home".

"I feel like a loser".

That would be because you just lost.
"It's creepy elevator guy!"
"Hey! He's stealing Megan's bags!"
"Call 9-1-1!"
"I've got the phone, what's the number for 9-1-1?"

"Aren't you nervous?"
"I was, but I was able to run out and see my 'pharmacist' and I'm not nervous any more".
"The fact that Megan went home puts thing whole thing into reality. I didn't really understand that the first thirteen times".

"I hate her, hate, hate, hate. If had a frickin' laser beam on my head she's be toast right now".
"I have to have my bags packed and leave them waiting by the door because if the date doesn't go well I'm going home but I'm not going empty handed. I also packed up two robes and half a dozen towels".

"We're taking a water taxi to a brewery, where we're going to get drunk".
"Sounds good".
"So what's this thing do?"
"No no don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to".

"And what about this?"
"Oh don't touch that. They do a lot of random drug testing around here..."
I see that the girls know how to dial for takeout, it's good to know that when they get married they will be able to take care of their man.

Oh my god! They all wore the same pajamas. How embarrassing!
"My parents live in New York but they come and visit my brother and I in L.A. He sleeps in the bunk right above me".

Pizza and beer. I've got to give him props, the boy's got class.
"I'm a horrible flirt!"
"You're selling yourself short, you're a really good flirt".

"So Sara double-yah walks into the room and I pretended to be happy but really I want her dead. I think it's annoying that she's so cute and nice and everything".
6.5, 6.7, 7.0, 6.6, 6.4, 7.0, 2.0 <--Russian Judge

"Do you give foot massages? Some guys are afraid of feet".

Some guys are afraid of feet? Seriously?
"Do you watch sports?"
"Not much, there are just a couple of sports that I watch".
"Which ones?"
"Football, college football, college basketball and the NBA of course. Baseball, hockey when they're not on strike, golf, curling, bowling. I like to watch NASCAR, Indy car, CART, Formula-1, the NHRA, motocross, skiing, snow boarding, the X-Games. I'm also into soccer, rugby, Aussie rules, horse racing, and of course the Olympics. Oh, and I just got hooked on poker, but that's not really a sport".

"You've got this goofy little 'kid in the candy store' grin on your face".

Yah, so would I if I was hanging out in the pool with ten babes in bikinis who all wanted to jump my bones.
"He definitely has a connection with Krisily, every time they're together they're laughing and having a good time".
"Do you think he likes that kind of girl".
"The kind that makes him happy? Well, yah!"

"Jerry always tells on you to your parents?"
"Nah, that would be OK, no he sells me out to the tabloids".
"It was so sweet that the production crew made him send me a video message".

"So how do you feel now that you've had time to think about the single mom situation?"
"I think it's cool, you're my first MILF".
"Have you ever dated a single mom before?"
"I've dated women with kids before, but they've always been married".

"So we bring Charlie back to our place and Sara is there, meow, meow, wrawl, fisst, meow".
"My strategy was to dress like a ho, because he's kicked off all the other hos and this way I'll stand out".

"This is my style, this is what I wear when I'm ~~on stage~~ in Hawaii".
"The minute I saw her outfit my chin literally dropped to the floor".
:rant

No it didn't! Your chin figuratively dropped to the floor. You're using 'literally' to mean the exact opposite of what it means!
[Deep breath] Misuse of the word 'literally' is a pet-peeve of mine.

Ice in plastic cups, the sound guys must be cringing.
"My parents own the best Ukrainian restaurant in Canada".

Oooo, there's a great Ukrainian restaurant a few blocks from me. I've got a craving for some pierogies now! Mmmm, pierogies... [drool]

"Is that a pierogi in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

I'm thinking maybe I should take a break and go get me some pierogies. Mmmm, pierogies... [drool]
"It's not about you're knitting. I just don't think you're here for the same reason as the rest of us. You don't seem to care about the media exposure at all, all you seem to care about is getting to know what's-his-name."

"You don't listen to me but I have to listen to you, it feels like I'm home with my mom".

When see get's booted from the show, she may want to consider leaving that baggage behind...
Oop, camera guy. I hope his mom was watching.

"It's like, I just like, feel like, like, floaty. Like it's like just so like nice."

Sara? The Language Police want you to know that you've officially used up your annual allocation of the work 'like'. Please refrain from using it again in this calendar year, thank you.
"I hope it doesn't get too crazy in there, I hope we do this rose ceremony with respect".

Oh who's he trying to kid? He's met Fleiss?

"The final rose goes to... Can't I pick someone else?"
"No, it's in your contract. We get to pick for one of the roses".
"Pick someone else, anyone else".
"We already made our decision".
"Fine! Krisily".

So, I hid a joke in the screen caps for last week's show. So now that you know it's there can you find it?
I'll give you one hint. It's in part 3.

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Last week we met Charlie and his gaggle of suitorettes which he ruthlessly cut down from twenty five hopefuls, to twelve. At this rate the show will last about three episodes, so I guess I better not waste any time. This week on the penultimate episode:
I guess the girls aren't neat freaks.	"Must get rid of bitter taste of self-loathing".
"I didn't feel that I'd been getting enough air-time, so I picked a fight with Kerry".	"I heard you talking about me, you were talking about the body shot". "You can't prove we were talking about you. We were careful not to use any names, we only used the term 'trailer-trash-slut'. We could have been talking about any trailer-trash-slut who did a body shot with Charlie at the bar last night". "I'm the only trailer-trash-slut who did a body shot with Charlie last night and you know it!"
"I really tried to be friendly, I didn't say any of this in front of her. It was all behind her back, I don't know why she's so upset!"	"[Impression = Mohammad Ali] I tell it like it is, where's the slut, who's the slut, you the slut. I float like a butterfly and sting sluts like a bee [Impression = none]".
"I don't know what's going on, I'm here to meet a good girl. Oh, [baby voice = on] you're a good girl aren't you, yes you are, you're a good girl, yes, a good girl, yes you are [baby voice = off]".	"This time, one-on-one dates can be very dangerous. You have to walk alone along 152nd street at night to get to and from the date".
"Now who gets the individual dates? [change to over-dubbed soundtrack] The dates go to the two women who are the most compatible according to their application. [change back to live audio recording]". I wonder what he really said.	"That's not fair, I lied on my application".
Ah, she is so cute and so nice. Charlie's a moron if he doesn't pick her! Oh... I guess she's not going to make it to the end.	"We want you to pack your bags before your dates and leave them at the door. This has nothing to do with the dates, we just feel it's the only way we're going to get you to clean up your room".
"I hope to see you all at the next rose ceremony. Until then I'll see you on the hidden shower cam".	"I'm planning on being very spontaneous tonight. I've already thought of five spontaneous things I can do".
"My taser is fully charged and I'm going to shock Charlie tonight because an unconscious boyfreind is a boyfriend who's not cheating on you".	Ahhh! White boxers aren't as bad as tighty-whities but they are still bad! If you're going to be on TV in your undies how about wearing something with some colour? Black is good, red, green, even a nice dark blue but not white! Come on!
"Where are you going on your date?" "I don't know, I don't want to know. I want it to be spontaneous". No, that would be a surprise. Clearly this woman doesn't know what spontaneous means	"Three of the twelve girls here are blondes (but none naturally), so clearly Charlie prefers blondes".
"So do you all think I should dye my hair?" [all] "Yes!" Tip to any future contestants: The other girls in the house are not* on your side. Don't ask them for advice on how to get the guy you're all competing for.*	"Before my date tonight I wanted to go blonde. So I grabbed the first gay guy off the street I could find to help me".
Oops, I guess the shampoo guys backed out of their product placement deal.	"Oh my God!" My sentiments exactly. She looked much better before.
"I'm taking her to the Savannah Steakhouse. The Savannah Steakhouse is a buddy's restaurant and I told him I'd try to mention his restaurant, the Savannah Steakhouse, as many times as I could. In return my buddy, who owns the Savannah Steakhouse, agreed to forgive my bar tab at the Savannah Steakhouse".	"I like your hair". "Thank you, that's so nice of you to say". "We're on a date, I have to say that".
"How did you like going to Florida State?" "I loved it, it's a total party school. I just partied for the whole four years. But now that I've graduated it's time to put having fun behind me and get married".	"To figure out if a rose should be given is the most pressure I've ever had on a date. Usually I just get the girl drunk and take her home".
"I feel like a loser". That would be because you just lost.	"It's creepy elevator guy!" "Hey! He's stealing Megan's bags!" "Call 9-1-1!" "I've got the phone, what's the number for 9-1-1?"
"Aren't you nervous?" "I was, but I was able to run out and see my 'pharmacist' and I'm not nervous any more".	"The fact that Megan went home puts thing whole thing into reality. I didn't really understand that the first thirteen times".
"I hate her, hate, hate, hate. If had a frickin' laser beam on my head she's be toast right now".	"I have to have my bags packed and leave them waiting by the door because if the date doesn't go well I'm going home but I'm not going empty handed. I also packed up two robes and half a dozen towels".
"We're taking a water taxi to a brewery, where we're going to get drunk". "Sounds good".	"So what's this thing do?" "No no don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to".
"And what about this?" "Oh don't touch that. They do a lot of random drug testing around here..."	I see that the girls know how to dial for takeout, it's good to know that when they get married they will be able to take care of their man.
Oh my god! They all wore the same pajamas. How embarrassing!	"My parents live in New York but they come and visit my brother and I in L.A. He sleeps in the bunk right above me".
Pizza and beer. I've got to give him props, the boy's got class.	"I'm a horrible flirt!" "You're selling yourself short, you're a really good flirt".
"So Sara double-yah walks into the room and I pretended to be happy but really I want her dead. I think it's annoying that she's so cute and nice and everything".	6.5, 6.7, 7.0, 6.6, 6.4, 7.0, 2.0 <--Russian Judge
"Do you give foot massages? Some guys are afraid of feet". Some guys are afraid of feet? Seriously?	"Do you watch sports?" "Not much, there are just a couple of sports that I watch". "Which ones?" "Football, college football, college basketball and the NBA of course. Baseball, hockey when they're not on strike, golf, curling, bowling. I like to watch NASCAR, Indy car, CART, Formula-1, the NHRA, motocross, skiing, snow boarding, the X-Games. I'm also into soccer, rugby, Aussie rules, horse racing, and of course the Olympics. Oh, and I just got hooked on poker, but that's not really a sport".
"You've got this goofy little 'kid in the candy store' grin on your face". Yah, so would I if I was hanging out in the pool with ten babes in bikinis who all wanted to jump my bones.	"He definitely has a connection with Krisily, every time they're together they're laughing and having a good time". "Do you think he likes that kind of girl". "The kind that makes him happy? Well, yah!"
"Jerry always tells on you to your parents?" "Nah, that would be OK, no he sells me out to the tabloids".	"It was so sweet that the production crew made him send me a video message".
"So how do you feel now that you've had time to think about the single mom situation?" "I think it's cool, you're my first MILF".	"Have you ever dated a single mom before?" "I've dated women with kids before, but they've always been married".
"So we bring Charlie back to our place and Sara is there, meow, meow, wrawl, fisst, meow".	"My strategy was to dress like a ho, because he's kicked off all the other hos and this way I'll stand out".
"This is my style, this is what I wear when I'm ~~on stage~~ in Hawaii".	"The minute I saw her outfit my chin literally dropped to the floor". :rant No it didn't! Your chin figuratively dropped to the floor. You're using 'literally' to mean the exact opposite of what it means! [Deep breath] Misuse of the word 'literally' is a pet-peeve of mine.
Ice in plastic cups, the sound guys must be cringing.	"My parents own the best Ukrainian restaurant in Canada". Oooo, there's a great Ukrainian restaurant a few blocks from me. I've got a craving for some pierogies now! Mmmm, pierogies... [drool]
"Is that a pierogi in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" I'm thinking maybe I should take a break and go get me some pierogies. Mmmm, pierogies... [drool]	"It's not about you're knitting. I just don't think you're here for the same reason as the rest of us. You don't seem to care about the media exposure at all, all you seem to care about is getting to know what's-his-name."
"You don't listen to me but I have to listen to you, it feels like I'm home with my mom". When see get's booted from the show, she may want to consider leaving that baggage behind...	Oop, camera guy. I hope his mom was watching.
"It's like, I just like, feel like, like, floaty. Like it's like just so like nice." Sara? The Language Police want you to know that you've officially used up your annual allocation of the work 'like'. Please refrain from using it again in this calendar year, thank you.	"I hope it doesn't get too crazy in there, I hope we do this rose ceremony with respect". Oh who's he trying to kid? He's met Fleiss?
"The final rose goes to... Can't I pick someone else?" "No, it's in your contract. We get to pick for one of the roses". "Pick someone else, anyone else". "We already made our decision". "Fine! Krisily".
So, I hid a joke in the screen caps for last week's show. So now that you know it's there can you find it? I'll give you one hint. It's in part 3.