It all started a few short weeks ago in a mansion high up in the California mountains
with one host, two bachelors, twenty-five bachelorettes, one cute dog, one annoying
little mutt and several dozen roses. By the end of the first day one of the bachelors
had been sent home in disgrace followed quickly by ten bachelorettes being sent packing
the next day. The following week one bachelorette made a daring break for freedom
on her own while four of her fellow bachelorettes were being ceremoniously banished
from the limelight and sent out into the everlasting darkness of anonymity. Life
continued unpredictably the next week as two more bachelorettes were recycled from
earlier seasons and added to the mix. The week ended on a dour note with four more
bachelorettes being tossed into the soulless oblivion of normal everyday life.
The next week reality was put on hold as America debated its choice between the devil
and the deep blue sea. And that brings us to... |
Mmmm tequila, the real breakfast of champions.
cue: The Champs |
"I'm very goofy and very silly but I also have a very serious side and I figured
the best way to show Byron that side of me was to get really drunk". |
"Cindy surprised me this morning by puking all over my front door". |
"I don't want to force myself on you, I think things should happen naturally".
Naturally? On this show? |
"When you're as borderline psychotic as I am and you've formed an unwholesome
attachment to a guy it's hard to watch other women spend quality time with him and
not want to disfigure them". |
Hmmm, drinking in the limo... |
and driving into a lake. Let this be a lesson for all you kids out there. Reality-TV
and driving do not mix. |
"Ah! *bleep*! You *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*, look at me I'm soaked. You *bleep*
*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* what were you *bleep* *bleep* thinking, *bleep*
*bleep* *bleep*". |
This is off topic but it has to be said: I know it's neat, but cars do not make
good boats and boats do not make good cars. Stop trying to combine the them! |
And Miss. Obvious states: "It just feels different with seven of us here instead
of fourteen". |
"My date with him was two days ago and he hasn't called yet so I'm pissed off
with him".
Let me see if I can guess why she's still single... |
"Are you in love with him?"
"I think I am".
Rule One: If you think you're in love you're not. If you're in love you know it. |
"We want to understand where you're at, because that sounds completely psycho". |
"I feel weird eavesdropping on them like this".
That's guilt and you feel that because you know what you're doing is wrong! |
"I was pissed that I didn't get the date with Byron but then I was like, he
likes brunettes, what's up with that? Guys don't like brunettes, doesn't ABC screen
for kinky stuff like that!" |
Tighty whiteys are not a good look Byron. You knew you were going for a massage
why didn't you wear something better? |
"You want happy ending?" |
"Ahhh! A machine that flies!". |
"Explain to me again why we have to stand here in a line?" |
I admit that this is a great location and looks really cool on TV, but if I went
to the aquarium and found out I couldn't go in the tunnel because they were filming
some stupid Reality-TV show I'd be pissed! Hopefully they did it after hours. |
"I have a question I need to ask. I'm on this show as the Token Black Chick(tm)
and that's cool, but I made it past the second episode, so what's going on?"
"I keep messing the names up during the Rose Ceremonies". |
"Elizabeth gave me what I call a Husband Interview and showed me that
she's really serious about getting married. So, she's gone!" |
"Tonight we're going to have a slumber party".
A slumber party? How old are these people? I thought they were all in their thirties
or forties but now I find out that they're all twelve year-olds with Methuselah Syndrome. |
Silly String! The kegger from last year is starting to look a lot more mature and
dignified, isn't it? |
Last season it was the I never game, this season it's Truth or Dare.
What's on tap for next season, Spin the Bottle? Duck, Duck, Goose? |
"I sure didn't get the response I wanted, I expected a physical demonstration
of interest but there was nothing. I've seen him get more excited when Robo-Chris
walks into the room". |
"I'm done, I'm so done. He's talking with someone else so I'm just going to
sit here and pout". |
"Jayne is just totally losing it. I already have to deal with Andrea with her
borderline personality falling in love with me after 3 seconds, Krysta who is just
nuts, Heather being an emotional train wreck and crying at the thought of
spilled milk, Cheresse being such a feminist she makes Gloria Steinem look motherly,
Elizabeth being so intent of getting married she's ready to skip the engagement and
now I have to deal with Jayne going into a jealous rage if I talk to another woman.
Six roses for the next Rose Ceremony is starting to look like way too many". |
"In hindsight I think the pajama party was the right thing at the wrong time".
A pajama party is only the right thing if you're a twelve year old girl or Hugh
Hefner. And you're neither. |
"Are you coming in the hot tub?"
"No, I was planning on having sex in the pool house". |
"Ummm, it's locked".
"Yah, but I'm really strong". |
"This morning there was a lot of giggling and whispering going on in the bathroom
and I started to get a little paranoid".
"You're not being paranoid, it was all about you". |
"Is he nice, or is he just paying attention to people who are psycho?"
"If he didn't pay attention to the people who are psycho, who would he pay attention
to?" |
"Next up, the Bachelor faces his itchiest elimination yet!" |
Hmm... |
"Ladies, Byron, this is the final rose tonight".
"Dude, there're two left".
"What? Ummm, never mind". |
Hmm... |
As a guy I usually don't notice this kind of thing and if I do I don't admit it but
that's a great dress, sorry I couldn't get a better shot of it. |