| When we last left our intrepid Love Seekers(tm) the ladies were hanging
out by the pool in the skimpiest bikinis the FCC would allow them to wear and the
men were watching them on closed circuit television hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. |
"Due to ABC's new Be as Cheap as Possible policy we're doing things a
little differently this season. There will be no gowns, no limos, no fancy party
and no Goldfish Crackers(tm)".
"No Goldfish Crackers(tm)! Waaaaaaaaa". |
"We have to meet the Bachelor right now? But I need at least three hours to
get ready, I don't want the Bachelor to see what I really look like until after the
wedding". |
"Ladies this is Jay!"
"Is it just me or does he makes plain toast seem exciting?"
"I saw him earlier, I thought he was a mannequin". |
"My impression of Jay when he first walked out was Richard Gere-ish, only older.
I was very happy though, I've been looking for a father figure". |
"Yah! Two bachelors and the second one's hot!" |
"It was really overwhelming to come down those steps and meet these twenty-five
beautiful ladies because I've never been that close to a real women before". |
"How're you doin'? You're ummm, I'm sorry I can't think right now with
Jennifer's, ahh, eyes right in front of me". |
"As you can probably guess from being down-wind, I'm a professional Bass Fisherman". |
"This is going to be a hard choice. Byron is a sexy, rugged, outdoorsy, hot
hunk of burning man-meat but Jay's a thin, attractive, overly-neat, 40 year-old single
guy who lives in the city. And what women can resist the challenge of making it with
a gay guy?" |
"I think Jay is wonderful, if I had to describe my perfect girl-friend, Jay
is it." |
"Kelly really irritated me because she, exists. I wish she would stop doing
that". |
"After meeting the rest of you ladies I understand what the casting director
meant when he said I was to be the Token A-Cup. If I sit like this does it
make my breasts look bigger?"
"I'm sorry Abby, but in this crowd a magnifying glass wouldn't make your breasts
look bigger". |
"You've never been married before, any reason why?"
"I think you should date someone for a while before you get married and I've
never dated a women". |
"Aren't you the least bit competitive? Don't you want to kick Bryon's ass?"
"Kick his ass? No". |
Ewww, doggy snot. As the proud mother (!) I guess it doesn't gross her out. |
"Gentlemen, you each have a man-corsage to wear, so if you'll put those on we
can get started".
"I look so pretty". |
"Before we begin I'll give each of you a chance to address the ladies. Jay if
you'll start, just read what's on the teleprompter". |
I have to give the producers props, it didn't come down to a twelve-twelve split
with the final rose deciding who stays. It's almost enough to make me believe
the whole thing isn't scripted. |
Gee, I wonder who she voted for... |
"I can't believe I lost, I'm such a loser. What are my chances of ever being
with a woman now?" |
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*** I N T E R M I S S I O N ***
And thus ends the first hour (and a bit) of the show.
|