Danger Bunny's Screen Caps - Average Joe 4, June 28, 2005

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Previously we've pitted two groups of Average Joes against the super-hunks and both times the super-hunks have won. We even switched it up once and gave Adam (the first season's big loser) his own show with his choice of twenty women who were so desperate they saw him as a prize. At the end Adam chose the slutty Samatha over the motherly Rachel with predictable results -- the relationship lasted mere days.

It's summer time, we have an hour of airtime to fill and reality-TV shows are super cheap to produce so for the fourth installment of this cheesy drivel we're returning to our roots (shallow as they may be). Tonight on Average Joe: The Poor Man's The Bachelor we've assembled a new batch of geeks, losers, whackos and fatties to compete for the heart and hormones of Anna, a ~~gold-digger~~ model from Las Vegas, so that we can embarrass and humiliate them when the super-hunks show up.

"I've have the same job I've had since high school, I'm a catch".
"When people first meet me they picture me owning a big slobbery dog. When they get to know me they realize I'm a big pussy and aren't surprised when they find out I have a cat".

"My name is Art and my mouth is my tool. My hands are my tool as well, and my legs, in fact I'm just one big tool".
"My name is Eye-gore. I'm not a GQ type but my looks do make the ladies laugh".

"I'm a straight-A student and I've never been with a women, in fact I've never been kissed by a woman who wasn't related to me. If it wasn't for the internet I would have no sex life at all. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is knowing that my brother is a bigger geek than I am".
"I'm a member of mensa but for some reason that doesn't help me score. I've discussed this phenomenon at my mensa meetings but no one there can figure it out either".

"Everyone calls me Solid Gold no one calls me by my first name, thank God because my first name sucks".
"I don't think of myself as nerdy unless I'm looking in a mirror. But geek is the new hunk, right? Why are you guys all shaking your heads?"

"My name is Bill and I'm such a loser I had to start a Hillary Duff fan club when the trekkies wouldn't let me in".
"Oh my gosh I am so excited, plus I can talk without moving my lips".

"For the last couple of years I've done a lot of modeling, mostly print work, catalogs and some art videos, but don't tell my Mom about those".
"Sitting in the back of the limo I had no idea where I was going but I know that is how I should always travel. Now I just have to find a man to pay for it".

"The crew was standing out there to great me, it's so amazing because usually I would be the one standing out there like a serf".
"They had us assemble in a high school gym, which brought back bad memories for all of us. I think we all cried".

"I'm Brian, this is David and Fredo, we're losers from season two. We're here to help you out, give you advice and answer your questions about what you've gotten yourself into. Yes, you in the second row".
"Where's Adam? He's the guy I want advice from, at least he got his own show".
"Anna sounds like every geeks fantasy, beauty and brains. But I'd settle for breathing and no open sores".

"At any moment a bunch of hot, muscular hunky guys are going to come through that door and start to humiliate you. They are going to be more attractive then you, faster than you, stronger than you, suaver than you, they are going to smell better then you and have better manners. In short they will be better than you in every way that matters to a chick. Don't let them intimidate you!"
"Do not change for anyone or anything, it's your underwear. Wear it with pride. Wear it on the outside of your pants to prevent wedgies".

"When you leave here you won't be leaving with the girl, but if you stay true to yourself you can leave with your head held high knowing you theoretically had a shot at a really hot chick".
"The yacht is amazing, it's the nicest yacht I've ever stayed on where I didn't have to sleep with some old guy".

"We have to cut four of you so the first test is dodge-ball. We wanted to give you a fighting chance so your opponents are giant weebles".
"There was also a portion called the special skills event, it was like the special olympians on the gong show".

"Women love magic, both the women I had a date with once said so".
"I have a 163 IQ but I still can't figure out why women aren't attracted to the fact that I can suck corn up my nose and spit it out my eyes".

"When Dante came out in a leotard I realized that he's destined to die a virgin".
"We made the guys go through a mock date with Marissa from Average Joe 2 and I feel so much better about myself knowing that I'm not the lamest dater in the country".

"I love this kind of stuff, there are at least four guys worse than me, maybe not here but certainly in the US".
"The key to my heart is little simple things, like a note that says I love you attached to a diamond bracelet. I love that kind of thing".

"At one point I turned around and there was only four people behind me. And I relaxed when I realized that none of them have had any airtime".
"You're already eating I can't believe it".
"Just be glad there's food here because your name is on the top of the Donner Party list".

"When I took my shirt off everyone else suddenly lost their appetite. I don't care, more for me".
"You're telling me girls like it when you play with your balls at the dinner table?"

"I'm thin with long hair and a beard, so to the guys that means I look like Jesus. The lack of imagination in these guys is amazing".
"I would love to find the love of my life. If I can't find him then I'd like to meet the guy that owns this boat".

"The captain is taking me to the beach to meet the guys and I'm getting nervous. I don't know why, the producers wouldn't have been so nice to me and treated me so well if there was some kind of cruel sick twist planned".
"During the interview process the producers were really excited when they learned that I haven't seen any reality-TV shows. But I'm sure that's nothing to be worried about".

"I like red-heads I think they're really hot, my mother's a red-head. Why are you guys snickering?"
"I'm proud of my virginity and I'm saving it for my wife or until I save up $200 for a hooker, whichever comes first".

"I'm no Brad Pitt but I'd say I'm a solid seven. What? No I haven't taken my medication today, why do you ask?"
"Hello, I'm Arthur. Did you know your hand tastes like chapstick?"

"This all seems unreal to me, it's like some horrible nightmare I can't wake up from".
"Oh chocolate, thank you".
"If you knew what I had to do to keep that away from the guys on the bus you'd be really impressed".

"Nice to meet you, fellow red head".
"Well sure, as long as you don't look too closely at the roots".
"It's not generally the kind of guy I would date, or talk to, or acknowledge that they exist. I've had my lawyer go over my contract and he can't find any loop holes so I guess I have to go along with it".

"I'm in a sophisticated mood to have a sophisticated meal with a sophisticated lady and have a sophisticated discussion in which I use the word sophisticated a lot".
"When somebody's like 'I lost my job just to meet you' I didn't like that. If he doesn't have a job how is he going to support me in the lifestyle to which I wish to become accustomed?"

"Tasty food, beautiful woman? Food, woman, food woman. Food!"
"I got a good vibe to the point that I could see myself with her. Unfortunately I saw myself in the mirror and I can't see her with me".

"Have you been in any long relationships?"
"I was in a relationship for two and a half years but it ended when my computer crashed and I lost her email address".
"People tell me I look like Ben Affleck".
"Are you sure they didn't say you look like you just ate Ben Affleck?"

"Now that I got to talk to them I'm actually quite excited. A couple of them slipped up and mentioned that a bunch of hunks will be showing up shortly".
"I've been diagnosed as clinically delusional but I'm still shocked that I've been eliminated. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?"

"I think she's made a mistake, I was going to take her places she's never been. My Mom's basement for example".
"If there were a couple of things different I would have had a better chance, if she was blind that would have helped a lot".

"With seventeen other guys around it was difficult to talk to her. Add in the generational gap and the deck was stacked against me".
"Matt".
"What is going on?"
"Sorry, the other Matt".

"My final decision is whether to kill my agent or just wound him really badly. But before I make that decision that I have to eliminate one more guy, Nick".
"I can't believe my magic tricks didn't win her over. They never have in the past but I really thought it would work this time. It looks like that's it for me -- whoa, who are you guys?"
"We're the foreshadowing police and you're under arrest for felony foreshadow. Anything you say can and will be...".

"We've always intended Average Joe to show that looks are everything. That heasn't been really clear in the past so this season we're going to take rejected Joes and give them a make over Nip/Tuck style".
"Seeing Nick's tape there were some things that jumped out at me as problems, in addition to his eyebrows".

"You got this big fat pads right here, and right here. It looks like you're storing nuts for the winter".
"We can rebuild him, stronger, faster, more stylish and for a lot less than six million dollars!".

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Previously we've pitted two groups of Average Joes against the super-hunks and both times the super-hunks have won. We even switched it up once and gave Adam (the first season's big loser) his own show with his choice of twenty women who were so desperate they saw him as a prize. At the end Adam chose the slutty Samatha over the motherly Rachel with predictable results -- the relationship lasted mere days. It's summer time, we have an hour of airtime to fill and reality-TV shows are super cheap to produce so for the fourth installment of this cheesy drivel we're returning to our roots (shallow as they may be). Tonight on Average Joe: The Poor Man's The Bachelor we've assembled a new batch of geeks, losers, whackos and fatties to compete for the heart and hormones of Anna, a ~~gold-digger~~ model from Las Vegas, so that we can embarrass and humiliate them when the super-hunks show up.
"I've have the same job I've had since high school, I'm a catch".	"When people first meet me they picture me owning a big slobbery dog. When they get to know me they realize I'm a big pussy and aren't surprised when they find out I have a cat".
"My name is Art and my mouth is my tool. My hands are my tool as well, and my legs, in fact I'm just one big tool".	"My name is Eye-gore. I'm not a GQ type but my looks do make the ladies laugh".
"I'm a straight-A student and I've never been with a women, in fact I've never been kissed by a woman who wasn't related to me. If it wasn't for the internet I would have no sex life at all. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is knowing that my brother is a bigger geek than I am".	"I'm a member of mensa but for some reason that doesn't help me score. I've discussed this phenomenon at my mensa meetings but no one there can figure it out either".
"Everyone calls me Solid Gold no one calls me by my first name, thank God because my first name sucks".	"I don't think of myself as nerdy unless I'm looking in a mirror. But geek is the new hunk, right? Why are you guys all shaking your heads?"
"My name is Bill and I'm such a loser I had to start a Hillary Duff fan club when the trekkies wouldn't let me in".	"Oh my gosh I am so excited, plus I can talk without moving my lips".
"For the last couple of years I've done a lot of modeling, mostly print work, catalogs and some art videos, but don't tell my Mom about those".	"Sitting in the back of the limo I had no idea where I was going but I know that is how I should always travel. Now I just have to find a man to pay for it".
"The crew was standing out there to great me, it's so amazing because usually I would be the one standing out there like a serf".	"They had us assemble in a high school gym, which brought back bad memories for all of us. I think we all cried".
"I'm Brian, this is David and Fredo, we're losers from season two. We're here to help you out, give you advice and answer your questions about what you've gotten yourself into. Yes, you in the second row". "Where's Adam? He's the guy I want advice from, at least he got his own show".	"Anna sounds like every geeks fantasy, beauty and brains. But I'd settle for breathing and no open sores".
"At any moment a bunch of hot, muscular hunky guys are going to come through that door and start to humiliate you. They are going to be more attractive then you, faster than you, stronger than you, suaver than you, they are going to smell better then you and have better manners. In short they will be better than you in every way that matters to a chick. Don't let them intimidate you!"	"Do not change for anyone or anything, it's your underwear. Wear it with pride. Wear it on the outside of your pants to prevent wedgies".
"When you leave here you won't be leaving with the girl, but if you stay true to yourself you can leave with your head held high knowing you theoretically had a shot at a really hot chick".	"The yacht is amazing, it's the nicest yacht I've ever stayed on where I didn't have to sleep with some old guy".
"We have to cut four of you so the first test is dodge-ball. We wanted to give you a fighting chance so your opponents are giant weebles".	"There was also a portion called the special skills event, it was like the special olympians on the gong show".
"Women love magic, both the women I had a date with once said so".	"I have a 163 IQ but I still can't figure out why women aren't attracted to the fact that I can suck corn up my nose and spit it out my eyes".
"When Dante came out in a leotard I realized that he's destined to die a virgin".	"We made the guys go through a mock date with Marissa from Average Joe 2 and I feel so much better about myself knowing that I'm not the lamest dater in the country".
"I love this kind of stuff, there are at least four guys worse than me, maybe not here but certainly in the US".	"The key to my heart is little simple things, like a note that says I love you attached to a diamond bracelet. I love that kind of thing".
"At one point I turned around and there was only four people behind me. And I relaxed when I realized that none of them have had any airtime".	"You're already eating I can't believe it". "Just be glad there's food here because your name is on the top of the Donner Party list".
"When I took my shirt off everyone else suddenly lost their appetite. I don't care, more for me".	"You're telling me girls like it when you play with your balls at the dinner table?"
"I'm thin with long hair and a beard, so to the guys that means I look like Jesus. The lack of imagination in these guys is amazing".	"I would love to find the love of my life. If I can't find him then I'd like to meet the guy that owns this boat".
"The captain is taking me to the beach to meet the guys and I'm getting nervous. I don't know why, the producers wouldn't have been so nice to me and treated me so well if there was some kind of cruel sick twist planned".	"During the interview process the producers were really excited when they learned that I haven't seen any reality-TV shows. But I'm sure that's nothing to be worried about".
"I like red-heads I think they're really hot, my mother's a red-head. Why are you guys snickering?"	"I'm proud of my virginity and I'm saving it for my wife or until I save up $200 for a hooker, whichever comes first".
"I'm no Brad Pitt but I'd say I'm a solid seven. What? No I haven't taken my medication today, why do you ask?"	"Hello, I'm Arthur. Did you know your hand tastes like chapstick?"
"This all seems unreal to me, it's like some horrible nightmare I can't wake up from".	"Oh chocolate, thank you". "If you knew what I had to do to keep that away from the guys on the bus you'd be really impressed".
"Nice to meet you, fellow red head". "Well sure, as long as you don't look too closely at the roots".	"It's not generally the kind of guy I would date, or talk to, or acknowledge that they exist. I've had my lawyer go over my contract and he can't find any loop holes so I guess I have to go along with it".
"I'm in a sophisticated mood to have a sophisticated meal with a sophisticated lady and have a sophisticated discussion in which I use the word sophisticated a lot".	"When somebody's like 'I lost my job just to meet you' I didn't like that. If he doesn't have a job how is he going to support me in the lifestyle to which I wish to become accustomed?"
"Tasty food, beautiful woman? Food, woman, food woman. Food!"	"I got a good vibe to the point that I could see myself with her. Unfortunately I saw myself in the mirror and I can't see her with me".
"Have you been in any long relationships?" "I was in a relationship for two and a half years but it ended when my computer crashed and I lost her email address".	"People tell me I look like Ben Affleck". "Are you sure they didn't say you look like you just ate Ben Affleck?"
"Now that I got to talk to them I'm actually quite excited. A couple of them slipped up and mentioned that a bunch of hunks will be showing up shortly".	"I've been diagnosed as clinically delusional but I'm still shocked that I've been eliminated. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?"
"I think she's made a mistake, I was going to take her places she's never been. My Mom's basement for example".	"If there were a couple of things different I would have had a better chance, if she was blind that would have helped a lot".
"With seventeen other guys around it was difficult to talk to her. Add in the generational gap and the deck was stacked against me".	"Matt". "What is going on?" "Sorry, the other Matt".
"My final decision is whether to kill my agent or just wound him really badly. But before I make that decision that I have to eliminate one more guy, Nick".	"I can't believe my magic tricks didn't win her over. They never have in the past but I really thought it would work this time. It looks like that's it for me -- whoa, who are you guys?" "We're the foreshadowing police and you're under arrest for felony foreshadow. Anything you say can and will be...".
"We've always intended Average Joe to show that looks are everything. That heasn't been really clear in the past so this season we're going to take rejected Joes and give them a make over Nip/Tuck style".	"Seeing Nick's tape there were some things that jumped out at me as problems, in addition to his eyebrows".
"You got this big fat pads right here, and right here. It looks like you're storing nuts for the winter".	"We can rebuild him, stronger, faster, more stylish and for a lot less than six million dollars!".